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Peace Offering

What does it feel like to miss somebody who hurt you so deeply?

It feels sad

It feels like I want to hold their hand but I can’t

It feels like tears coming to my eyes

My voice starts to crack

It feels like I don’t understand why they hurt me

It feels really hard

It feels like I love that person so much

It feels like this breath is really hard to take

And these tears that roll down my cheeks

Are signs that I’m not weak

It feels like I felt so much for that person

Like I gave them everything I could

It feels like I wish them the best

Knowing they did all that they could

But when I think they did all that they could

I feel like they could have done more

They could have stopped calling me names

And stopped slamming that door

They could have given me space

They could have let me breathe

They could have encouraged me to be exactly who I wanted to be

It feels really hard to miss the one that hurt you the most

All I wanted to do was love him

But all he gave me was his ghost

Ill never understand him

I never did

Ill never understand why he was the way he was

Ill wish him well from afar

But that’s all I can really do

It feels like I knew every part of his body

When he slept he was so beautiful

But when he woke he was so scary

It feels like memories of things that I don’t want to think about

But things that I have to let go

It feels like I can feel his hand in mine

Like hell never let go

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