What does it feel like to miss somebody who hurt you so deeply?
It feels sad
It feels like I want to hold their hand but I can’t
It feels like tears coming to my eyes
My voice starts to crack
It feels like I don’t understand why they hurt me
It feels really hard
It feels like I love that person so much
It feels like this breath is really hard to take
And these tears that roll down my cheeks
Are signs that I’m not weak
It feels like I felt so much for that person
Like I gave them everything I could
It feels like I wish them the best
Knowing they did all that they could
But when I think they did all that they could
I feel like they could have done more
They could have stopped calling me names
And stopped slamming that door
They could have given me space
They could have let me breathe
They could have encouraged me to be exactly who I wanted to be
It feels really hard to miss the one that hurt you the most
All I wanted to do was love him
But all he gave me was his ghost
Ill never understand him
I never did
Ill never understand why he was the way he was
Ill wish him well from afar
But that’s all I can really do
It feels like I knew every part of his body
When he slept he was so beautiful
But when he woke he was so scary
It feels like memories of things that I don’t want to think about
But things that I have to let go
It feels like I can feel his hand in mine
Like hell never let go